Building a Relationship With Those You Lead

The second area in which we should build relationships is with those whom we are leading. We cannot lead without influence and we cannot have influence unless we have built a relationship with those whom we are leading.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THOSE YOU LEAD: BEING A MENTOR

WHAT IS A MENTOR?

Mentoring is a relational experience in which one person, the mentor, empowers another person by a transfer of resources. Empowerment can include such things as new habits, knowledge, skills, desires, values and growth and development of potential.

The word "mentor" is defined as "a wise and trusted counsellor or teacher." Although "mentoring" doesn't appear in the Bible, Scripture does give us numerous examples of mentoring. Moses was mentored by his father-in-law Jethro, first as son-in-law and then as a leader (Exodus 18). The mentoring relationship between Eli and Samuel prepared Samuel for the tasks and responsibilities that were his after Eli's death (1 Samuel 1–4). Jesus mentored His disciples (Luke 9), and both Barnabas and Paul excelled in mentoring (Acts 9–15).

THE FUNCTION OF A MENTOR

DISCIPLE

A disciple is a learner, a pupil. As Strong's concordance states, the word "mathetes" means "one who follows one's teaching." The word used for the discipler in the Scripture is "didaskalos" meaning a teacher. According to Matthew 28:20, the discipler is to be "teaching them to obey everything Jesus commanded." Simply put, a discipler is to teach the sheep to follow Jesus, not himself/herself.

The authority of a teacher is only found in the Word of God, not in oneself (2 Timothy 3:16-17). The role of a discipler is therefore to teach people to become obedient to the Word. A leader needs to help people learn the basics of walking with Christ. Discipleship is an important aspect to the mentoring relationship. Discipleship focuses on the ongoing growth of the disciple as a Christian, and is concerned with the commands of Christ. The intent is for the disciple to become like Jesus Christ. Therefore as a mentor you will encourage those whom you are leading to mature in their Christian walk.

BE AN EXAMPLE

The mentor should be a living example of how to do ministry. The Apostle Paul spelled out mentoring as his leadership model very simply. "Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). Not only were Jesus and the apostles mentors, but the elders in the local church also were to do the work by mentoring. Peter commands, "Be examples to the flock" (1 Peter 5:3), and Paul explains to the elders at Ephesus, "You know how I lived the whole time I was with you" (Acts 20:17). In other words, Paul is telling the elders, "I showed you, now you show them."

COUNSEL

As a leader you are to help people by giving wise advice to help them through situations. This counsel should not come through our own feelings but it should be based upon the Word of God. 2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right."

TEACH

The mentor helps people learn through teaching. In Titus 2:3-4, Paul told the older women of the Church to be mentors to the younger women. Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

Psalm 145:4 "One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts."

COACH

The mentor helps people learn to do things through coaching. Jesus mentored His disciples in this manner. Mentoring is more about showing than telling. Coaching occurs first through words, then by actions, then by working together and then by evaluation. "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice" (Philippians 4:9). In essence, Paul was saying, "Let me mentor you. Let me be your role model." He reminds the new Christians at Thessalonica to "follow our example" (2 Thessalonians 3:7). Mentors convey wisdom and skill. Through modelling and coaching, and eventually by turning over responsibility to their followers, kingdom-style mentors seek to make their disciples more capable than the mentors have been.

Jesus modelled this coaching process with His disciples in four steps:

Step One: Jesus showed them what to do by demonstrating the ministry of the Kingdom. Whilst His disciples were with Him He healed the sick, delivered those who were oppressed, taught the crowds. (As a leader, don't only tell the way but show it.)
Step Two: Jesus told them what to do by giving them instruction (Matthew 10). (Leaders are to give clear instruction.)
Step Three: Jesus let them try it. He sent them out to do the work of the ministry (Matthew 10:16, Mark 3:14-15, 6:7). (Allow them to practice the principles that they have learnt.)
Step Four: Jesus evaluated what they did (Luke 9:10). (Evaluate what they achieved and provide important feedback for their growth.)

WHAT ARE THE MENTORING BE-ATTITUDES?

Be respectful: Strong relationships are based on mutual respect
Be committed: As a leader you need to be committed in setting aside time to meet with those whom you are mentoring so that you can assist them in their growth
Be ethical: Mentoring requires confidentiality
Be visionary: Possess the ability to readily see the potential in others and help them to reach their potential
Be tolerant: People will make mistakes
Be a listener: Be quick to hear what the other person has to say
Be available: A mentor has to make the time to meet the person
Be persistent: Don't give up when they make mistakes or fail
Be transparent: Demonstrate that you have not arrived yet but are still growing
Be real: Honesty and integrity are essential

WHAT ARE SOME BARRIERS TO BEING AN EFFECTIVE MENTOR?

Having enough time to set aside and disciple and mentor another person
Fear that the person will become dependent upon you
Fear of losing your position to someone whom you are training
Feelings of inferiority
Not being willing to impart information and knowledge because you are jealous

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BENEFITS OF BEING A MENTOR?

Encourages others to develop themselves and reach their visions and dreams
Empowers others to be able to be effective in their calling
Equips others with the skill and the knowledge that they need to walk in their ministry
Establishes them in sound doctrine and enables them to be rooted and grounded in the Word of God
Engages them in doing the work of the ministry and not merely seeing how to do it
Evaluates their work and then provides honest feedback as to how they can become more effective
Enthuses and stirs people with the passion to fulfil their calling
Enables them to reach their God-given potential
Educates them through continual learning and coaching

SUMMARY

Building relationships with those whom you are leading is also another important aspect of leadership. The way in which we are able to perpetuate our influence is by multiplying and producing our ministry and our leadership styles in others so that they can take it to the next level. Many people are scared of this type of relationship as they feel that they will be rejected or "out of a job" but this is the will of God. God always prepared a new leader, someone who will be able to take over, through this means of mentoring. For example Elijah and Elisha, Moses and Joshua, Timothy and Paul.

The harvest is plentiful and cannot be reaped by only a few. Therefore God needs us as leaders to take part in mentoring others who will aid us in bringing in the harvest for His glory. This is the dispensation of the saint's ministry where everyone, knowing and operating in the spiritual gifts, will be part of being an influence for God.

Mentoring is not a means of working us out of a "job" but it is a means by which we teach and train others so that they can take part in finishing the work that Jesus gave us all to do.

Matthew 28:19-20 "Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

Acts 1:8 "But when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you will receive power and will tell people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

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