Building a Relationship With Your Leader

Building relationships is often highlighted as an important part of your success as a leader. As a leader you have many varied relationships to consider including:

• Relationships with your leader
• Relationship with those whom you are leading

RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR LEADER

Your relationship with your leader is important to your growth as a leader. Therefore you need to:

• Be submissive to those whom you are serving under
• Be accountable to your leader in the manner in which you behave

BE SUBMISSIVE TO YOUR LEADER

God is the source of all authorities in the universe. All governing authorities are delegated by Him and therefore represent His authority. Because God is the source of all authorities in the universe, whenever people encounter authority they meet with God. Therefore we are not to only be subject to God's authority but also to His delegated authority.

We are to submit to the following leadership roles:

Romans 13:1 "Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God."

1 Peter 2:13-14 "Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well."

• To the government: According to Romans 13:1-7, all who are in authority are God's servants. Our subjection to this authority is four-fold: taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, honour to whom honour is due.
• To our husbands: The authorities in the family are instituted by God. Once all the members in the family recognize the authority, many difficulties in the home will disappear. God has ordained the husband to be the delegated authority of Christ, with the wife as representative of the Church (Titus 2:4-5, 1 Peter 3:1). There must be a spirit of submission whereby a woman will voluntarily acknowledge her husband's leadership responsibility unto God. It is an act of faith.
• To our parents: God has ordained parents to be the authority over their children (Ephesians 6:2-3, Colossians 3:20).
• To the authority of the Church: The authorities in the Church are instituted by God (Ephesians 4:11). God ordains in the Church, authorities such as "elders" who rule well and "those who labour in preaching and teaching." Hebrews 13:17 "Obey your spiritual leaders and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they know they are accountable to God. Give them reason to do this joyfully and not with sorrow. That would certainly not be for your benefit."
• To one another: Ephesians 5:21 "And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

If we honour the authority of the Lord in our lives, others will respect the Lord's authority in us.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO SUBMIT TO MY LEADERS?

To "submit" or "be in submission to" is:

• To "obey": This means to follow the commands or guidance of authority or to comply with.
• "Subdue": This means to bring under control, to vanquish or bring into subjection.
• "Subordinate": This is to make oneself of lower class or rank inferior to, submissive to authority, or dependent.

To "submit" or "be in submission to" is to obey (follow the commands or guidance of authority), to be under obedience, to be put under, to subdue unto (make oneself under control of) to be or make subject to (obedient to), to be put in subjection (obedience), to subordinate (make oneself inferior to or of lower class to), to commit to the discretion or decision of another, and to yield or surrender to.

REBELLION – THE OPPOSITE OF SUBMISSION

If we are not submitting to authority, then we are walking in rebellion. Rebellion is any attempt to usurp authority. Miriam and Aaron were entitled to their opinions about Moses' wife. But they crossed the line when they spoke against Moses and challenged his call to be God's representative (Numbers 12:1, 2).

WHAT ARE THE DANGERS OF REBELLION?

Rebellion is an open door to demonic bondage. 1 Samuel 15:23, "For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft…" Rebellion is an open door to the demonic in a person's life. The Bible strictly warns us against rebellion, and its consequences are not to be taken lightly. God's Word tells us that rebellion is in the same category of sin as witchcraft itself. The word witchcraft above is translated back to the Greek word "qesem", which not only includes literal witchcraft itself, but also divination. Both of these practices are highly demonic. Proverbs 17:11, "An evil man seeketh only rebellion: therefore a cruel messenger shall be sent against him."

Rebellion cuts a person off from God. God's Word is clear that rebellion is a great way to find ourselves in dry land spiritually: Psalms 68:6, "…the rebellious dwell in a dry land." The Bible is clear that a man who is rebellious, is a man whose heart is not right with God: Psalms 78:8, "And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not steadfast with God."

HOW IS REBELLION MANIFEST? (See 2 Peter 2:10-12, Eph 5:6, Matthew 12:34)

Man's rebellion is manifested in words: A man who is rebellious in heart will soon utter rebellious words, for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth will speak. The tongue is very difficult to tame (James 3). Rebellion is thus quickly expressed through a man's tongue. Words are the outlet of the heart.

Eve carelessly added to the Words of God (Genesis 3:1-3). All who easily change God's Word, either by adding to it or by deleting from it, give evidence that they do not know authority. Ham broadcasted his father's failure (Genesis 9:20-22). Criticizing people and taking great delight in disclosing other's faults is a manifestation of rebellion. Miriam and Aaron reviled Moses (Numbers 12:1-2). There were probably many other words Miriam could have uttered, just like an iceberg only has one tenth of its mass appearing on the surface. Korah and his company attacked Moses (Numbers 16:1-3). They were like an uncontrollable flood, throwing off restraint. Not only did they speak against Moses, but they openly censored him severely. In this we see that there are two different degrees of rebellion: some can be disgraced but fully restored, some must be swallowed by Sheol because they have no constraint. We learn from this instance that all those who obey God's direct authority but reject delegated authority are under the principle of rebellion.

Rebellion is linked with fleshly indulgence and those who cannot control their words cannot control themselves. Each time one speaks out against another, it means loss of power. God strongly rebukes the rebellious (2 Peter 2:12). Slander comes from reason, for example: Ham slandered because Noah was naked and Miriam slandered because Moses had married a Cushite. If a man does not know authority, he will speak slanderous words.

Man's rebellion is manifested in reason: Words that we speak against our leaders come from our own reasoning and logical thinking. We think that someone else can do it better, we think that our ideas are better, we know of a better way to implement something and therefore we speak out against those whom God has placed in authority. A revelation of God's glory will deliver us from reason (Isaiah 6:1-5). Once we see God as being far above us and that He alone is God on high, we prostrate ourselves in dust and ashes and all our reasoning disappears. The glimpse of a fraction of God's glory will send us to our knees and make us throw away all reasoning (Psalm 33:6).

Man's rebellion is manifested through thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:4-6): Rebellious words come from rebellious reasoning, which begins with a thought. Satan imprisons men by strongholds of reasoning, but only the authority of God can take every thought captive to obey Christ. There may be strongholds of moral wickedness in the heart where the mind finds refuge. This is the place where victory needs to take place. The phrase "high thing" in 2 Corinthians 10:5 means "tall building" in the original Greek, signifying that from God's viewpoint, human reasoning is like a skyscraper, blocking out the knowledge of God. Reasons and thoughts are closely joined. Reason tends to capture thought, rendering man incapable of obeying Christ. If we desire to obey God, we must know how the authority of God destroys the strongholds of reason. The testimony of the kingdom is brought in through obedience.

THE BENEFITS OF SUBMISSION

We please God when we submit to authority: The first benefit is that it pleases God. God's word commands it. Children are to obey their parents because it is right (Ephesians 6:1) and because it is well-pleasing to the Lord (Colossians 3:20). Wives are to be subject because it is fitting (Colossians 3:18). Servants are to work heartily, as for the Lord, knowing that from the Lord they will receive reward (Colossians 3:23-24). Every person is to be in subjection to the government (Romans 13).

We are protected when we submit to authority: There is the obvious benefit of protection from harm. There are many rewards for good behaviour. Citizens who submit to the laws for driving their vehicles avoid the sorrows and expense of damaging property and taking lives. There is the benefit of protection from temptation. For children there is the promise of long and well lived life for honouring their parents. Parents establish rules for their children in order to help them avoid temptation. Children do well to submit to the rules of the home and they avoid many complications in life. The teenager who accepts the parental rules for curfew and dating will enjoy the benefit of protection from pressures to conform to ungodly standards.

We are given direction: God-given authority is one of the best sources of direction for a person. Those who are self-willed become confused about God's purposes for their lives. Rebellion against God becomes manifested in the relationship with God-given authority. The loss of direction for the future leads one to reject wisdom and soon we may begin destructive behaviour. This is why Fathers are exhorted not to exasperate or provoke their children so that they lose heart. Those who lose heart under abusive authority and become rebellious will inflict harm upon themselves and others.

We become most like Jesus: Jesus exemplifies the principle and benefit of submission. He demonstrated how to submit to authority. The Bible states that He humbled Himself and became obedient to His Father's will even unto the death of the cross (Philippians 2:8). He paid taxes to the abusive Roman government. He submitted to the corrupt religious authorities. He suffered grave injustice but He kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously (1 Peter 2:23). He could have called twelve legions of angels (Matthew 26:53) but He yielded to His Father's will.

BE ACCOUNTABLE TO YOUR LEADER

Does the Bible speak of Christian accountability? First of all, the Bible says that God holds us accountable. Romans 14:12 says, "So then each of us shall give account of himself to God." This is personal accountability.

Secondly, we see in the Bible that we are to be accountable to one another. In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, we read that Christians are all part of the same body – the body of Christ – and each member needs or belongs to the other. This Scripture suggests the importance of strong accountability between believers. It is important for every believer to have at least one other person in which to confide, pray with, listen to, and encourage.

The pages of the Bible are filled with stories of people leaning on others for growth and personal and spiritual development. Deep connections help great leaders overcome their struggles and see what they cannot see on their own. Most prominently in the Old Testament are Moses and Aaron (Exodus), and David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18-20). In the New Testament are Paul and Barnabas, and then Paul with Titus, Silas, and Timothy (Acts 11-14; 2 Corinthians 2:12). And, of course, our Lord Jesus, while He walked this earth, had His twelve with an extra connection to the inner three, Peter, James, and John.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE ACCOUNTABLE TO ANOTHER?

Accountability means developing relationships with other Christians that help to promote spiritual reality, honesty, obedience to God, and genuine evaluations of one's walk and relationship with God and with others.

Accountability is a check and balance system to protect us from harm from ourselves and others. We do this by being open to what we are thinking and doing so we can receive encouragement and reproof, when needed. Christian accountability is accounting for what we are up to. It is the realization that we are liable, responsible, and answerable for our actions in life to God (Matthew 12:36; Romans 2:16; 14:2; 1 Corinthians 3:10-15; 4:5; 2 Corinthians 5:10), as well as to key Christians in our life (John 13:34; Galatians 6:1-2; Philippians 2:4; Hebrews 10:23-24; James 5:16).

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 "Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labour. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble."

WHY SHOULD WE BECOME ACCOUNTABLE TO ANOTHER?

• To help those who are in sin: Galatians 6:1-2 "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ." Our ability to deceive ourselves is virtually boundless; that is why accountability is so necessary. Without submitting to the counsel of others, we can rationalize almost anything, especially if what we're doing involves a series of small compromises. Thus, accountability is needed not so much to protect us from others, but to protect us from ourselves.
• To bring correction: Jehoash's dealings with the priests concerning temple repairs was a useful lesson in accountability. Jehoash delegated specific responsibilities to the priests with clear instructions concerning the collection and use of money (2 Kings 12:4-5). He personally confronted the priests, including their leader, Jehoiada, for their non-performance (12:7). He suggested a course of remedial action (12:7-8) and then saw to it that an alternative solution to the problem would be carried out (12:9-12). Accountability involves far more than simply telling someone what to do and then coming back later to see if instructions have been carried out. It means that a leader commits to overseeing the workers' performance and making sure that the project is completed.
• To encourage spiritual growth and maturity: Hebrews 10:24 says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says to, "…encourage one another and build each other up…" Accountability helps to promote biblical controls or checks and balances. It provides the necessary discipline and support needed to see people reach godly goals. While we are all ultimately accountable to God, as stressed in Romans 14:7-12, God has established other levels of accountability to aid us in the matter of control, support, and growth. God has given the Word and the Holy Spirit as His agents of control to help provide direction and controls on our lives, but accountability to other believers becomes another key instrument to aid in bringing about self-discipline and inner controls. We see this encouragement to grow spiritually in the letters that Paul wrote to Timothy and Titus.
• To provide wise counsel: Proverbs 11:14 "Without wise leadership, a nation falls; with many counsellors, there is safety." Proverbs 15:22 "Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many counsellors bring success." Proverbs 24:6 "So don't go to war without wise guidance; victory depends on having many counsellors."

KEYS TO DEVELOPING AN ACCOUNTABLE RELATIONSHIP

Effective accountability has the emphasis on building quality and deep relationships that will help us. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)

TRUST

An accountability partner relationship can only work if you trust each other completely. If you choose someone that you are not comfortable telling information about your life to, you will never get the full benefits of what having an accountability partner is all about. To hold ourselves accountable to others is to trust their judgment and to believe that they are committed to the same truths and values that we are. It also helps if we can sense that they have our best interests at heart. That's why Paul pleaded with the Corinthians to forsake their divisions and "be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment" (1 Corinthians 1:10). Without that unity, they would never submit to each other.

Who should you trust? The person whom you choose to trust to become accountable to should display the following characteristics:

• Integrity: Exhibiting basic honesty and moral character are keys to demonstrating that you are trustworthy. A person of character can be trusted to do what is right even when there is "no controlling legal authority" because they are guided by internal standards.
• Reliability: Trustworthy people are consistent, dependable and stable. Their actions are congruent with the values and principles they espouse. They keep their promises.
• Fairness: Being fair means making unbiased decisions and not taking advantage of people just because they are in a weaker bargaining position.
• Caring
• Openness: Trustworthy leaders keep confidences, but they do not keep harmful secrets or have hidden agendas. Open information sharing is a reciprocal process. We tend to withhold information from people who seem to resist opening up to us.
• Competence: Trustworthy leaders perform their roles competently. Subordinates do not put their faith in incompetent leaders, even if those leaders are fair and caring.
• Loyalty: Trustworthy leaders also show through their actions that they are willing to protect and defend their subordinates when they make mistakes or during times of crisis.

GROWING IN YOUR TRUSTING OTHERS

• Be aware that the degree to which you are a trusting person is greatly influenced by: your early life experiences involving trust; your emotional responses and decisions about those experiences; the beneficial or harmful outcomes of extending your trust to others; and what you were repeatedly told about by others.
• Recognize that your earlier level and experience of trust is not necessarily suitable or valid for your adult relationships and productive work.
• Pay close attention to your current behaviour and leadership style, and how these affect others: your actions, words, tones, gestures, posture, and your use of power.
• Become more aware of your feelings during interaction with others; how you act on your feelings; and what lessons for change you learn about your degree of trusting.
• Seek to identify any continuing behaviour that may prevent you from trusting others. Does it spring out of earlier patterns? Have you talked this over with another nonjudgmental person with a view to breaking down old barriers?
• Make a day-by-day practice of trusting; often patterns of behaviour create feelings and responses of mutual trust, and break down any of life's earlier, negative influences.

HONESTY

In an accountable relationship both parties need to be honest:

• My leader needs to be honest with me: Ephesians 4:15 "Instead, we will hold to the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." Speaking the truth in love is not holding back parts of the truth. Paul said, "For I have not shunned to declare unto you all the counsel of God" (Acts 20:27). Paul appreciated the truth to the point of allowing it to make those whom he loved his enemies (Galatians 4:16). Speaking the truth in love is not watering down the truth. Some seek to dilute and weaken the truth (1 Peter 2:1, 2). "Preach the word: be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine" (2 Timothy 4:2).
• I have to be honest in what is really happening in my heart: Hebrews 13:18 "Pray for us, for our conscience is clear and we want to live honourably in everything we do." Ephesians 4:25 "So put away all falsehood and 'tell your neighbour the truth' because we belong to each other."

CONFIDENTIALITY

Along with trust, confidentiality is vital to any accountability partner relationship. Both partners must agree to keep all information discussed during accountability partner meetings completely to themselves, without exception.

Proverbs 11:13 "Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered."

Proverbs 17:9 "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends."

Proverbs 25:9 "Argue your case with your neighbour himself, and do not reveal another's secret."

James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF AN ACCOUNTABLE RELATIONSHIP?

• Motivation: It is an added incentive to glorify God with our whole beings in very specific areas, including our minds, bodies, families, and time-which all belong to God (cf. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20).
• Safety: It is a safety net. If one of us starts slipping or falls hard, two other concerned Christians are right there to catch him or pick him up with biblically informed advice and love.
• Consistency: It facilitates (but does not automatically result in) consistent spiritual growth.
• Specificity: It requires specific answers to specific questions. If someone asks "How are you doing?" it is very easy to cover up areas of our lives by blowing smoke about something else that may not be as significant.
• Thoroughness: It holistically challenges us in multiple areas, rather than focusing on just a few.
• Community: It establishes intimate, healthy relationships with fellow believers, rejecting a lone-ranger mentality.

The benefits of an accountable relationship can be seen in three areas:

Spiritual:

• Counsel (Proverbs 27:9, 27:17, 13:20)
• Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15, Proverbs 27:6)

Emotional:

• Encouragement (Hebrews 3:13, 10:24-25)
• Love (Proverbs 17:17, Romans 12:10)
• Acceptance (Romans 15:7)
• Support (Romans 12:15, Proverbs 25:20)
• Freedom and Expression (Proverbs 17:9)

Physical:

• Help in work and trouble (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

SUMMARY

The first relationship that we need to focus on is the relationship that we have towards our leader.

Are we submitting to our leader? Leadership has been placed there by God and therefore we need to submit to this leadership in the same manner in which we submit to God. We need to ensure that our thoughts, reasoning and our speech concerning our leadership are godly and right.

Are we accountable to our leader? Do we place ourselves in a position where we are vulnerable to our leaders by sharing with them what is really going on in our heart so that they can support, correct and help us grow in Christ? This type of relationship is built on:

• Trust
• Honesty
• Confidentiality